Don’t Fall in Love with Disappointment
Just the other night as I was diligently working on a rough draft of my wedding vows, a friend’s text stopped me in my tracks, informing me that her loafer boyfriend had just broken up with her via text. I immediately pondered upon the fact that she—and many other accomplished, riveting women in their late 20’s—was living on such opposite sides of the dating spectrum. I couldn’t help but bleed for her. Not because I was sad that she lost out on a “big catch” or because I thought she would never find love again, but because SHE didn’t. It infuriated me. And just like my friend, many other hopeless girls fill their beautiful hearts with disappointment, founded from sundry disillusionments.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not downplaying their pain. Reflecting back, I too swallowed that bitter love pill many times. The reason I speak about disappointment so matter-of-factly is because disappointment and I go way back--we’re intimate. For every lousy, shitty frog I kissed there were countless, icky tears that followed. And even the few toads that weren’t as shitty but somehow proved to be unsuitable counterparts…I cried for them too. But what I learned about leaning on disappointment’s shoulder is that it doesn’t help us find love—it actually prevents us from discovering it.
I was compelled to write this piece after that particular incident, noticing so many of us quickly become fixated on the ones who didn’t work out, rather than focusing on the fact that someone will. We lose faith quicker than we regain it. We convince ourselves that we are just unlucky; that those who have been fortunate enough to find companionship before we do are lame. We create memes poking fun at those starting families, while internalizing the longing to have one of our very own.
Why is it that female millennials are being brainwashed that yearning for companionship—and eventually a family—makes them weak? Worse, why do we convince ourselves that we really don’t want that at all? All of us long for some sort of companionship. There is no better feeling than sharing our world, our souls and adventures with another human being. Going less deep, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to “Netflix and chill.” This has NOTHING to do with career goals or with being a feminist or independent. You can have all those things yet share your journey with someone you love. It, however, has EVERYTHING to do with understanding that your path to love will undeniably have some discouraging twists and turns, while cultivating the belief within yourself that the best is yet to come.
It took me some time to develop this principle. But as reluctant as I was to trust in love after enduring so many heartaches, I never allowed disappointment to shake my faith. Deep down in the inner core of my being, I always knew this significant aspect of my life would be filled. It was as if my future self was consoling me, showing me a sneak peak of the awesomeness that was waiting to meet me. I’ll tell you, the preview didn’t do it justice. And now that I’m living it, I want all those who have suffered to find it as well. Because love should be celebrated, not mourned.
So to my discouraged friend and all others who have convinced themselves --or have been influenced by others--to give up on love, this one’s for you. May you find it, cherish it and scream it from the rooftops. To my late companion, disappointment, to you I flip the bird.