So, I have this friend.... and chances are you do too.
She is one of the coolest, and most down to earth women you’ve ever met, and in just one conversation you fangirled each other to the point where you knew you were going to be bestfriends. BUT after seeing them at their best and worst, through thick and thin, you realized something... This amazing person is unaware of their worth and value in the world. You do your best to shine light and positivity on any and every insecurity (or moment of weakness), but to no avail. Somehow your brilliant advice and words of wisdom fail to reach this person fully. You achieved putting a bandaid on the wound, but the deeper problem is something we (the best friend and fangirl) don’t like to say and no one likes to hear… You are not valuing yourself.
If you are reading this you may be feeling undervalued, or otherwise you’re the friend who is desperately searching for solutions and inspiration to help a sister out. Either way, you need a little perspective on the inner workings of lasting happiness and how to upgrade your self worth. What I’m about to say isn’t pretty, but with an open mind and the right delivery—one that accentuates the true intention behind it (love, inner peace, and a thriving sense of self)—you (and/or your friend) will surely feel the sincerity and appreciate the awareness I’m hoping to impart on you.
If you rely on external things ( money, relationships, your career etc.) for happiness, you are unknowingly setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
If you’re not the source of your own happiness, then you will always find reasons to be unhappy. You'll become happily co-dependant, and literally require attainment, achievement or the company of others to rid yourself of anxiety. That is NOT OKAY. Searching for happiness externally keeps you at the mercy of circumstance. People and material things can be fleeting. It’s not to say that you shouldn’t surround yourself with positive people, and spend copious amounts of time with them, or do a little retail therapy every now and then— but you need to be self reliant where and when it counts. Becoming the source of your own happiness will save you from melting down in the moments when you’re at your lowest. A truly happy person will realize that they are in the best company when they are alone in a room. You don’t need anyone or anything to validate your worth.
The past is a great teacher, but a horrible travel buddy.
Live it, then let it go. Let go of your failures, mistakes, embarrassing moments, and just allow it to do what it was intended to do—teach you a lesson. In this moment, you have exactly the right experiences to move forward. And all the wisdom acquired along the way you can use in the future, but don’t punish yourself at any point for making these mistakes, the lesson was more valuable than you even realize. It helped shape who(and where) you are today. All you can do to change the past is to become a better person than you were in those moments of perceived failure. Thank your past self, because you are still on your journey putting it all to good work. Be proud of who you are, and even if you made some wrong turns along the way, by simply being aware of your own happiness or lack there of, your focus is already where it should be. Let the past guide you, but not control your life. Everyday is a new opportunity to be better by putting more love into yourself and simultaneously, this world. Forgive yourself so you can move past your own obstacles.
Who cares what other people think?
Being who you are inside requires gumption, the will to overcome anything, and your unique perspective—not the approval of others. You alone have the power to decide what is best for you, if you need to look peripherally for a cue, then you are not using your own intuition— and basically you’re letting someone else decide what they think will make you happy!! F#%$ THAT!! Only take solicited advice when it feels like you just need a little encouragement—not because you have no clue what’s right for you. Your gut is never wrong. Not about people, life choices, or relationships. You just need to use it—your intuition is like a muscle. Your focus should be entirely grabbing your own life by the proverbial balls. Setting your own pace and refraining from making useless comparisons to others will free you from thinking your are missing out on anything. Figure out who you are, what your stand for and how you’re gonna be this fabulous person everyday. What comes next is sure to be epic. By building a strong connection with your authentic self you’ll allow happiness and fulfillment will follow.
BIG SECRET: Your value and the world’s value are directly related.
We hold a great responsibility to recognize our value because by doing so you are actively buying stock in your life and betting that your happy life will save the world. Yes, you do have an effect on this planet. You do have an impact on the people around you. And if you choose to live a sad and undervalued life, that’s just selfish. You’ll never rise to your true potential, and the way I see it, you are literally stealing from every person you could potentially help. Your light, creativity, and powerful positivity is desperately needed, and is fully dependant on YOU.
Repeat after me: “I’m so freaking awesome, and I serve a meaningful purpose in the world!!!”
Now go put these words into action by loving yourself fully, and never settling for unhappiness or a mediocre sense of your inner badass.